Eternity
by DeservingLife'sFlaws
Summary: When a lone student shoots up the school Santana finds herself in a place she never thought she would be. Brittany is her entire life so what would she be without her? A story of love, heartbreak and sorrow. But ultimately, the lengths we would go to, to save the ones we love. Rated M, warning inside. Please give it a go!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is an idea I've wanted to try out for a while but, as it's a sensitive topic, I thought I should really think about it first. This is just the prologue so I know it's short but please give it a chance and let me know what you think! I don't own Glee or the characters.**

**Warnings: Character deaths, school shooting.**

**Prologue**

The shot rang out, as loud as thunder, magnified by the emptiness of the corridors. Those in close proximity began screaming, pushing each other aside and scrambling for the exits, unaware of where exactly the noise had come from but completely aware that they had to get out. Those in classrooms or other areas of the school, who had merely heard the faint sound of a shot, hid wherever they could, hoping that it wasn't what they thought it was, that they were perfectly safe.

Santana was in the former group, frantically pushing through the students that were shoving past her. But she wasn't making her way towards the exits. She was going the opposite way, making her way through the tide. It was, she realised, as difficult as forcing her way through water that was determined to drag her someplace else.

Another shot rang out. The screams were deafening. Santana hadn't seen the shooter. She didn't notice the blood on the wall, she didn't notice that students were stepping over bodies before running as fast as they could, she didn't notice the sound of the fire alarm that was blasting through the corridors. When someone grabbed her arm, pulling her back, she wrestled herself free and continued to run.

"Santana, what the fuck are you doing?" Puck yelled, sprinting after her as best he could.

He curled his hand around her arm again, pulling her back long enough to grab her other arm and began to push her back through the crowd, back towards the exit. She started to scream, fighting against his hold and kicking out.

"Let me go, Puck!" She cried.

"Don't be so stupid, we need to get out of here!" Puck cried back. "What are you doing!?"

"I have to get Brittany!" Santana shouted. "I have to get her!" And with one final kick she pulled free, running faster than she'd ever run before, Puck cursing but straight on her heels.

"Brittany!" She called, desperately looking around at the faces passing by her but seeing no-one of importance. She called her name again, reaching the end of the corridor and turning left, knowing that Brittany had had English. Another shot rang out, followed by another but Santana wouldn't let herself hear them, terrified of what those shots might mean, of whose lives had been taken.

Puck caught up to her, lifting her from her feet and hurling her over his shoulder, beginning the sprint down the corridor as she pummelled his back, screaming and crying, her feet flailing so much that he could barely see where he was going. He could see the main doors ahead and forced his way through them, the sunlight dropping on them like a stone.

He put Santana down, grabbing her wrists as she tried to hit him.

"Santana, you don't know where she is," Puck said loudly, trying to make her hear him over her crying and shouts of 'fuck you!'. "She might have already got out,"

Nothing seemed to get through to her. She continued to fight against him, doing everything she could to get back into the school but he was damned if he was letting her risk her life. Behind them students continued to spill out of the school, some of them injured, some of them helping others, some of them holding wounds where blood was dripping from between their fingers.

Santana collapsed to her knees, her wrists still in Puck's grasp. Her eyes seemed to be frantically scanning the school grounds but she knew she wouldn't find Brittany unless she went looking. She had to keep looking. There were far too many students outside for her to be able to search them all. And by then it might be too late.

Puck had loosened his hold on Santana's wrists as she fell so it was simple enough for her to scramble back to her feet, kick him hard and start running. She could hear Puck shouting as she sped towards the front doors, saw Finn Hudson reach his arm out for her but miss. The front doors were open so she ran straight through. She tripped over a body in the first corridor, not stopping long enough to see who it was. She could hear Puck shouting her name and didn't have to look to know he was still following her, so she propelled herself forward, turning left again. This corridor was filled with even more bodies. Some students were leaning against the wall, gaping wounds in their arms and legs. Others were lying motionless on the floor. Panic gripped her chest as she realised Brittany could be one of them...

Fighting against the thoughts in her head she continued to run, finally bursting into Brittany's classroom on the right. No-one was in there. She hurtled back out, yelling Brittany's name so loud that it reverberated through the corridor. For one heart-stopping moment she stood, her eyes wide with terror.

"Santana!"

This was the voice she'd been waiting for. She shouted Brittany's name again and began to run towards the direction Brittany had shouted from. She would find her, even if it killed her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings; character deaths, school shooting, possible graphic descriptions (blood)**

**Chapter One**

The inhabitants of Ohio were still in a peaceful slumber. The hands of various clocks were lazily moving from one minute to the next, a ticking sound accompanying their movement. To the world time was slow but when each person opened their eyes to the sound of an alarm they'd believe that time had gone too quickly.

The trees were swaying gently from side to side, caused by a breeze that was slowly picking up as the night wore on. The moon began retreating, making way for its partner who would soon become the spectacle. Small animals perked their heads towards the sky, squinting against the light that was appearing.

As the dusk became dawn activity began to take place. Lights switched on in bedrooms, bathrooms, kitchens. Cars began breaking the silence as their owners prepared them for the drive ahead. Early morning joggers and dog walkers waved at passers-by good-naturedly.

There was nothing to suggest that this day would be any different than others.

But it was.

...

Santana had been awake since half past four. For some reason her stupid dog had started barking, the entire house being thrown into fits of panic at the sudden noise intrusion, the possibility of a burglar fresh on their heels. It wasn't until Santana had rolled her eyes and made her way downstairs (her mum was far too scared and her sister far too young) that she remembered her dad was leaving for work early that morning and the sound of the door closing or the car starting had probably been what had set the dog off.

Nevertheless, she peered into every room, noting that the back door, the front door and all the windows were closed. No sign of a break in anywhere. Upon entering the living room she saw her dog, Buddy, sitting on the carpet, his head tilted to the side as he took her in. She put her hands on her hips and sighed. She couldn't stay angry with him for long. His eyes broke her resolve. Not that she'd ever admit it.

"You dumb dog," Santana crouched down and he ran over to her, placing his front paws on her knees and starting his attempt on licking her face. She began scratching behind his ears and smirked when his tongue flopped out.

"I knew you liked him,"

Santana twisted her neck around to see her sister, Gabriela, standing in the doorway smiling. Gabriela was only nine but she seemed to like to pretend she was older. Trying to boss Santana around was her favourite pastime but unfortunately for her Santana was a lot better at making sure it was the other way around. She was the spitting image of Santana at her age, her dark hair falling in waves down her back.

"Go back to bed, squirt," Santana snapped, standing up and brushing herself off.

Gabriela continued to wear that stupid smirk so Santana pushed past her and made her way into the kitchen. She knew her sister would follow her but right now she didn't care. She needed some coffee.

"Are you going back to bed?"

Santana paused in her act of getting a mug from the cupboard and turned around. She raised her eyebrows, hoping that her 'what does it matter to you?' look was obvious. Gabriela merely raised her eyebrows back, not at all fazed by her sister's behaviour which she was perfectly used to by now.

"I'll go back to bed when I'm ready to go back to bed," Santana said, scowling.

"Santana! Is there anyone there?"

Santana rolled her eyes. If there was Santana would probably have said so by now. Unless the intruder had decided to murder her, in which case she would be dead anyway and wouldn't be able to answer at all.

"No, mum, everything's fine," Santana shouted back before turning to face her sister again. "Go to bed,"

"I'll go back to bed when you go back to bed,"

"No, you'll go back to bed now before I chase you up there and ask the monster to come out of your closet,"

Santana knew she was being harsh, especially as the monster in the closet was something that seriously terrified her sister, so much so that Santana had taken to sitting in front of it until she fell asleep, but right now she was getting on her nerves and all she wanted was a coffee.

"You're so mean," Her sister spat. "I hate you," She turned on her heel and ran all the way back upstairs.

Santana sighed and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. She'd make it up to Gabriela later when they'd both returned from school or something. As it was Monday it was also movie night for them whilst their parents were out so she'd do it then. Santana never apologised, not unless it was to Brittany, but her actions sometimes counted as one. She made herself a coffee and let the dog out. Whilst she drank it she watched Buddy run around the garden, crouching low and then pouncing, his tail wagging frantically. Her sister had been right though; she did like him.

Once the dog was back in his bed Santana made her way up to hers. There was no way she'd fall asleep again now and it wasn't anything to do with the coffee. She never did when she was awake early. Once she'd woken up she'd woken up. She passed by her mum's room and saw her sister curled up next to her, her mum's arm wrapped protectively around her. They both had their eyes closed, breathing deeply.

Santana closed her bedroom door quietly then threw herself onto her bed, gazing up at the ceiling and wondering what on earth she was supposed to do for the next two hours. She picked up her phone from her bedside table and opened her messages. Brittany's face popped up on her screen and a smile appeared on her face as she took her in. She was honestly the most beautiful girl Santana had ever laid eyes on (and she wasn't just saying that because Brittany was her girlfriend). Once you got past her inescapable beauty and looked inside you saw something that was, if possible, even more beautiful; her heart and her soul.

Santana re-read the last message Brittany had sent her; _I'll see you tomorrow. Remember, you're beautiful. I love you!_ Santana smiled, reading the message over and over so that it was practically embedded in her brain.

...

Brittany mumbled incoherently as Lord Tubbington batted his paw against her cheek and pushed him away. She'd done so five times already and could feel herself getting annoyed with him again, even though she'd promised him yesterday that she'd try to have more patience. She didn't want to get up yet, she was still tired. Besides, it was only seven o' clock. _Shit. _Brittany shot out of bed, Lord Tubbington hissing at her angrily as he fell off of the bed.

Brittany hesitated for only a second before shutting the bathroom door. She could apologise to him later when she got home from school. She glanced at herself in the mirror and frowned. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was so scruffy she knew she looked like the homeless guy down the street that Santana had pulled her away from.

"Brittany! I hope you're out of that bed!" Mrs Pierce shouted from downstairs.

"I'm in the bathroom, mum!" Brittany shouted back, quickly running the brush through her hair to get rid of the knots.

"We're leaving in ten minutes; I have to get your sister to school too!"

Brittany rolled her eyes and told her mum she'd be ready in time. Even though she knew she probably wouldn't be. She still wanted to have a shower and she hadn't even eaten yet. It looked as though she'd have to skip breakfast today. She sighed.

Today was already a disaster.

...

It was the first warm day of April in Ohio. The kind of warm day that suggested summer was soon to be upon them, rather than a couple of months away. Santana walked slowly through the parking lot, wanting to spend as much time soaking up the sun as she could. She hated days like these, where she was forced against her will to go to school and sit in classrooms being taught boring things by boring teachers when the sun was so hot outside that she could practically f_eel _a tan begging to happen.

As she neared the entrance to the school, however, she saw something that made her forget the weather and how boring her day was going to be. Brittany was leaning against the wall by the main doors, her smile becoming wider as she saw Santana approaching. She walked forward to meet her and threw her arms around her neck, pulling her in for a hug and squeezing her so tight that Santana couldn't breathe.

"Hey," Brittany said, leaning back slightly but keeping her arms around Santana's neck.

"Hey, Britt," Santana smiled back, her arms around Brittany's waist.

The way they were behaving suggested that they hadn't seen each other for weeks when, in reality, Brittany had been at Santana's only last night. But this was the mark of their relationship; that even a second apart felt like forever. Santana leant forward and pressed her lips to Brittany's, a familiar feeling settling in the pit of her stomach, one that suggested she was safe and secure. One that suggested she was home.

"Seriously, guys?" A voice said from behind them. "Can't you keep it in the bedroom?"

Santana smirked against Brittany's lips, pulling back and tossing a 'can it, Warbler!' over her shoulder towards Blaine who laughed and stopped walking once he was near them. Brittany pouted adorably as Santana stepped away from her but the smile instantly reappeared on her face when Santana threaded her fingers through hers.

"You haven't seen Kurt have you?" Blaine asked them.

"Not today, no," Brittany said, squinting her eyes against the sun.

"He's probably been caught by Berry," Santana said, shrugging her shoulders innocently as Brittany bumped her shoulder playfully.

"Rachel's not that bad," Brittany said as they walked into the school.

"Yeah, compared with Hitler," Santana muttered, causing Blaine to snort and hastily turn away, his hand over his mouth in a mock cough. "I bet she's blocking my locker again,"

"If she is we can wait," Brittany said.

Sure enough when they reached their lockers, Rachel was buried deep amongst her things, Finn leaning against the locker next to her. He already had his things sorted and rolled his eyes at Santana who knew exactly what he was implying; Rachel had already been there for ages. As Santana's locker was next to Rachel's she needed Rachel to move in order to get in, mostly because Rachel had to have the door wide open, therefore blocking her entrance. She started tapping her foot impatiently.

"Like I said, we can wait," Brittany murmured, squeezing Santana's hand reassuringly.

"Good morning," Rachel said, beaming around at them all. Brittany and Blaine responded with a smile back but Santana merely managed a grimace.

"I am so sorry I'm late!" Kurt's voice appeared from behind them. Blaine was by his side in seconds, hugging him briefly before pulling back and allowing Kurt to move towards his locker. "My car broke down so I had to get my dad to drop me off instead,"

"It sounds like you've had a tough morning," Blaine said in concern.

"Tough does not cover it," Kurt said, shaking his head. "Good morning, princess," He added to Rachel, subtly pulling him towards him and closing her locker. Santana made a mental note to say thank you to him later. Santana quickly dialled the combination on her locker and pulled out the books she'd need for her first lesson.

"Mr Schue has a ridiculous idea for our songs later," Rachel said, plunging straight in. "I personally think we should call an emergency meeting and discuss them together, as a team, before we approach him about it,"

"And how do you know what he has planned?" Santana asked, annoyed again.

"I overheard him to talking to Miss Pillsbury this morning. By the look on her face I don't think she agreed with them either but she's much too polite to say anything,"

Santana rolled her eyes and slammed her locker door shut. Brittany, who could sense any emotion radiating from Santana, linked their pinkies together and squeezed. Santana took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Man-hands should not bother her this much.

"I think Rachel's right," Finn agreed, smiling down at Rachel whose smile got even bigger at his words.

"Fine, fine, whatever," Kurt said. "We'll have this emergency meeting. But leave it until after lunch,"

Rachel scowled but eventually nodded in agreement. Finn draped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. Santana nearly laughed. She looked so small in comparison. But then Finn was a giant. There was no doubting that.

"I'd better be going," Blaine said, kissing Kurt quickly on the cheek and making his way backwards down the corridor. "Miss Brown doesn't like it when we're late,"

"Okay, I'll see you later," Kurt said, raising his hand as a goodbye.

_I'll see you later._

The rest of the group said bye to him too and watched as he walked down the corridor, finally disappearing from sight around the corner. Kurt sighed, Blaine's absence always leaving a space in his heart, and bade goodbye to the group too.

"Well, I guess we'll see you guys later," Rachel said, that smile back on her face. "Remember, emergency meeting sometime after lunch,"

"How could we forget?" Santana said sarcastically.

"We'll be there, Rachel," Brittany said loudly, blocking out Santana who smirked to herself.

Finn and Rachel left too, leaving Santana and Brittany standing alone in the corridor. Brittany reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Santana's ear. Santana leant into the contact, her heart pounding in her chest.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Brittany said. "Try not to be too hard on Rachel, her heart's in the right place,"

Santana frowned, about to give Brittany a kick-ass comment but decided against it. It wasn't Brittany she was angry with. She shouldn't take it out on her. To be honest she wasn't angry with Rachel either.

"I'll see you soon," Santana said, kissing Brittany on the lips with as much love as she could put into it. "I'll come and get you after English, wait for me,"

_I'll come and get you, wait for me._

"I love you," Brittany said softly.

"I love you too,"

...

Santana was with Puck in Physics when it happened. Brittany was in English with Mercedes. Blaine was in Calculus. Kurt was in Geometry with Sam. Rachel was in the library using her free period to study for a Spanish test she had that afternoon. Finn was in History with Quinn. Mike was getting a late pass from the office. Tina was on her way to the toilet, a permission slip in her hand. Artie was visiting the school nurse. Will was teaching. Emma was sat in her office. Sue was in the gym.

A shot rang out.

...

The corridors were suddenly bursting with people. Students ran, in the same direction, towards the main doors, desperately shoving others aside in their quest to find safety. As more shots rang out screams filled the air, although the shooter appeared to have left the main corridor. A couple of students, stragglers who were trying to avoid their lessons or those who had been late, were laying motionless on the floor, blood pooling around them as those desperate to escape trampled them.

Santana forced her way through the door of the classroom, Puck right behind her, to see a tide of students running past them. Puck pushed her forward, attempting to join the crowd heading for the exit but Santana knew she couldn't leave. She'd promised Brittany she'd go back for her. She'd made her promise to wait. It was, she realised, as difficult as forcing her way through water that was determined to drag her someplace else.

Another shot rang out. Screaming, sobbing students frantically pushed past her but she stayed strong, not allowing herself to be swept away in the opposite direction. She called Brittany's name but there was no way Brittany would be able to hear her over the noise. The shots were beginning to sound further away now; the shooter was moving through the school. The fire alarm burst into life, a pure sound of desperation, of emergency, of _get out. _Santana could feel tears on her cheeks, the panic in her chest that Brittany wasn't with her becoming overwhelming. She didn't notice the blood on the wall. She didn't notice that students were stepping over bodies before running as fast as they could. All she could think about was Brittany.

"Santana, what the fuck are you doing?" Puck yelled, sprinting after her as fast as he could, despite the throng of students.

He curled his hand around her arm, pulling her back long enough to grab her other arm and began to push her back through the crowd, back towards the exit. Santana started screaming, fighting against his hold and kicking her legs out, hoping they'd make contact with him.

"Let me go, Puck!" She cried.

"Don't be so stupid, we need to get out of here!" Puck cried back. "What are you doing?"

"I have to get Brittany!" Santana shouted. "I have to get her, Puck, I promised!" And with one final kick she pulled free, running faster than she'd ever run before, Puck cursing but straight on her heels.

"Brittany!" She called again, desperately looking around at the faces passing by her but seeing none of importance. She reached the end of the corridor and turned left, knowing that Brittany had had English. Another shot rang out, followed by another, but Santana wouldn't let herself hear them, terrified of what those shots might mean, of whose lives had been taken.

Puck caught up to her, lifting her from her feet and hurling her over his shoulder, beginning the sprint down the corridor as she pummelled his back, screaming and crying, her feet flailing so much that he could barely see where he was going. He could see the main doors ahead and forced his way through them, the sunlight dropping on them like a stone.

He put Santana down, grabbing her wrists as she tried to hit him.

"Santana, you don't know where she is," Puck said loudly, trying to make her hear him over her crying and shouts of 'fuck you!' "She might have already got out,"

Nothing seemed to get through to her. She continued to fight against him, doing everything she could to get back into the school but he was damned if he was letting her risk her life. Behind them students continued to spill out of the school, some of them injured, some of them helping others, some of them holding wounds where blood was dripping from between their fingers.

Santana collapsed to her knees, her wrists still in Puck's grasp. Her eyes seemed to be frantically scanning the school grounds but she knew she wouldn't find Brittany unless she went looking. She had to keep looking. There were far too many students outside for her to be able to search them all. And by then it might be too late.

Puck had loosened his hold on Santana's wrists as she fell so it was simple enough for her to scramble back to her feet, kick him hard and start running. She could hear Puck shouting as she sped towards the front doors, saw Finn Hudson reach his arm out for her but miss. The front doors were open so she ran straight through. She tripped over a body in the first corridor, not stopping long enough to see who it was. She could hear Puck shouting her name and didn't have to look to know he was still following her, so she propelled herself forward, turning left again. This corridor was filled with even more bodies. Some students were leaning against the wall, gaping wounds in their arms and legs. Others were lying motionless on the floor. Panic gripped her chest as she realised Brittany could be one of them...

Fighting against the thoughts in her head she continued to run, finally bursting into Brittany's classroom on the right. No-one was in there. She hurtled back out, yelling Brittany's name so loud that it reverberated through the corridor. For one heart-stopping moment she stood her eyes wide with terror.

"Santana!"

This was the voice she'd been waiting for. She shouted Brittany's name again and began to run towards the direction Brittany had shouted from. She would find her, even if it killed her. She turned right down the next corridor, seeing a few other students appearing from behind closed doors, hidden somehow in lockers. When she saw Brittany the rest of the corridor seemed to melt away. She couldn't think of anything as she threw herself at the blonde, wrapping her arms around her and squeezing her as hard as Brittany had done that morning. Brittany's shampoo was all she could smell, Brittany's frantic heartbeat was all she could feel. She leant back, placing her hands on Brittany's upper arms.

"We need to get out of here, okay?" She said.

"Santana, come on!" Puck shouted at her from the end of the corridor.

"Santana,"

Brittany's weak voice startled her. She looked into Brittany's eyes, saw the sheen of sweat breaking out across her forehead, saw her pale face. Brittany swayed dangerously as Santana looked down to Brittany's hands which were pressed against her stomach, staunching the blood flow that was spreading across her shirt.

**I hope this chapter didn't disappoint anyone. I wasn't entirely sure how to write it but this is how it's turned out so please, please review because then I know what you think! Thank you for the response from the last chapter! I don't know when the next update will be but I can assure you it will be very soon! Read and review! Thank you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings; character deaths, school shooting, possible graphic descriptions, incredibly sad**

**Chapter Two**

Santana wrung her hands together and stood up again, pacing the small cubicle into which she'd been placed. The curtains were drawn to give her privacy and right now she guessed that was what she needed. Her body was still shaking like an addict who hadn't had their fix and no matter how hard she tried she couldn't prevent it. The whole morning was an entire blur to her. What had happened was incomprehensible; she couldn't even process it in her mind. She closed her eyes, covering them with one hand, her other resting on her hip. She just wanted someone to come and take all this away.

"Santana,"

Santana's eyes snapped open and her hand fell away. Her mom was peering around the curtain, tears in her eyes.

"Mom," Santana barely forced the word out before breaking.

A sob ripped through her throat and her mom rushed forward, gathering her into her arms. Santana buried her face into her mom's shoulder, grasping the back of her shirt, scrambling to grab as much of it as she could like she'd fall without it. Her mom rubbed her back, sobbing too, unable to get out the words that she needed.

"They... They won't tell me what's going on," Santana sobbed, unable to catch her breath. "I don't know where they've taken Brittany,"

"We'll find her, sweetheart," Her mom promised. "We'll find her,"

...

Mr Pierce stood up for what felt like the thousandth time and looked through the little window in the door. The waiting room was in chaos. Doctors and nurses were rushing around, dealing with the wounded and those in shock that had been pushed through their doors. Frantic parents stood, awaiting news of their children, the desperation clear on their faces.

He sighed and turned around, running a hand down his face. His wife was sat on one of the plastic chairs attached to the wall, unmoving. She had her head in her hands. He moved to go and sit down next to her, draping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her closer to his body.

It was the worst thing, not knowing what was going on. All he really knew was that there had been a shooting at the school and Brittany had been injured. How badly he didn't know. The thought made him furious. Surely he, as her father, had every right to know exactly what was happening to her? It was, he knew, a parent's worst nightmare.

It wasn't something he'd thought about. Who sends their child off to school imagining that something's going to happen to them? You send them to school with the knowledge, with the _knowing, _that they'll be back home to you, safe and happy, within a few hours. He hadn't thought for a second, in all his years of being a father that something like this would happen.

"I shouted at her this morning,"

Mr Pierce pulled back slightly to look at his wife who had raised her head and was now staring blankly at the wall opposite.

"She wasn't ready to go," Her voice broke. "I made her hurry up. But what if we'd been a bit later? She might have been okay,"

"She is okay," Mr Pierce said, rubbing her arm. "She's going to be fine,"

"Can't you feel it?" Mrs Pierce murmured.

"Feel what?"

"That emptiness, that hole,"

"She's going to be fine," Mr Pierce repeated, as much to convince himself as it was his wife.

...

Santana curled up on the bed, the sheets crisp and cold beneath her. Her mom had gone to see if she could find out anything, promising that she wouldn't come back until they told her something. Santana wasn't sure what she wanted to hear. She'd seen the bodies, she'd seen the blood, she knew some people had lost their lives. The thought did nothing in helping her calm down. She bit back a sob and closed her eyes, desperate to reopen them to find that this was just a really bad nightmare. But when she did open them she was still in the cubicle. Except this time, she wasn't alone.

Puck was stood there, the lining of his shirt bloodstained. His hands were tucked deep into his pockets and he was looking at his feet. Santana sat up, placing her feet on the floor and pushing herself into a standing position.

"Puck," She said quietly.

Puck looked up then, the pain in his eyes evident. Santana's heart jolted and she stepped forward, reaching her hands out to him. But he merely stepped back, closing his eyes and breathing in deeply.

"Puck, what is it? Is someone...?"

Puck choked on a sob but quickly regained himself, looking anywhere but at her. Santana slowly walked towards him until they were inches apart and placed her hands on his arms.

"It's..." Puck couldn't look her in the eye. He tapped his foot and looked at the ceiling, letting out the breath that was consuming him. "It's Rachel,"

"Rachel? You mean, she didn't...?" Santana's eyebrows arched downwards, unsure of what exactly she was hearing.

"She didn't make it," Puck confirmed, his voice breaking slightly. "Finn's... Finn's completely... He's with her dads,"

"That's awful," Santana muttered, turning away from Puck and fisting a hand in her hair.

She wasn't a fan of Berry's; everyone knew that, but the thought of never seeing her again... She was pretty sure that Rachel had annoyed practically everyone but that hadn't made her a bad person. What had she done to deserve this? Or had she merely been in the way?

"They said she was shot through the chest..." Puck offered. "She didn't suffer. We can take comfort from that, right?"

Santana turned back to face him and said "Yeah, yeah we can,", before sitting back down on the edge of the bed. Puck sat down next to her, his hands tapping his knees as though he was anxious.

"Have you heard anything?" He asked, a pitch in his voice suggesting he was afraid of hearing the answer.

"No," Santana murmured. "My mom's gone to have a look around,"

Puck nodded.

"What the hell happened?" He asked, frowning, deep in thought. "One minute it was normal and the next..."

"I don't know," Santana shrugged, her voice soft. "I don't know,"

...

_Santana's world seemed to fall apart around her as she took in the blood spilling from Brittany's fingers. She swayed again and Puck rushed forward, placing one arm around her waist, the other under her legs, lifting her into his arms. Santana followed him as he broke into a run, hurtling through the corridors like his life depended on it. They broke through the double front doors and spilled onto the grounds._

_Santana could see the police arriving in their hundreds, pulling on flak jackets as they ran towards the school. EMT's were also running forward, surrounding kids who were lying motionless on the ground, kids who were hyperventilating, kids who had blood spilling from their foreheads. Other EMT's burst through the double doors to reach the injured and the dead inside the school, accompanied by police officers brandishing guns. _

_Puck placed Brittany on the ground before running towards the nearest ambulance, shouting madly at an EMT climbing out. Santana knelt down, pulling her jacket from around her shoulders and pressing it against the wound in Brittany's stomach._

"_Santana..." Brittany forced out, clenching her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut in pain._

"_Shhh, it's okay, you're gonna be okay," Santana said, using her free hand to brush the hair away from Brittany's eyes. "Puck's gone to get some help,"_

"_San, I love you... I love you so much," Brittany mumbled. _

"_Don't, Britt," Santana ordered. "Don't give up on me,"_

"_I would never... give up on you," A smile spread across her chalky face. "Do you remember that time...? In third grade, when you... you were so scared... of that camping trip that you tried to make yourself sick? And I promised you... I promised you I'd be there, in your heart," Brittany brought a shaky hand up and pressed it against Santana's chest. "That's where I'll always be,"_

"_Britt, stop it," Santana begged, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Don't do this to me, you're gonna be fine,"_

"_I know, I know I am," Brittany smiled again. "Because you're here,"_

...

Mrs Lopez couldn't find anybody which was saying something considering every corridor was filled to the brim with people. She'd stopped, briefly, to watch the news coverage on the screen in the large waiting area but hadn't been able to stay for long. The news reporter had been standing a short distance away from the school. You could see smoke coming out of some of the windows, the flashing lights of sirens in the grounds. Ambulances were still parked up, students still being loaded into them. The news reporter had said that a student had been taken into custody, that the danger had passed.

But had it passed? Did something like this ever really pass? Just because the source of the destruction had been removed didn't mean that the effects would fade too. The effects would no doubt last forever. Mrs Lopez pushed her way through the throng of people milling in the corridors. She needed a doctor, a nurse, _anyone _who could provide her with the information her daughter desperately craved.

"Maribel!" A voice called her name and she spun around.

Quinn Fabray's mom, Judy, was standing by the front desk. Mrs Lopez walked briskly over to her, desperate for news about something but terrified of hearing anything at the same time.

"How's Santana?" Judy asked, worry evident in her tone.

"She's okay, she wasn't hurt," Mrs Lopez replied. Judy exhaled in relief. "How's Quinn?"

"She was shot in the leg," Judy said, tears forming in her eyes. "They're operating on her now,"

"Oh, Judy," Mrs Lopez consoled her, placing a comforting hand on the other woman's arm.

"No, no, I'm one of the lucky ones," Judy said, wiping her eyes furiously as if she had no right to cry. "She's going to be okay. Have you seen Brittany's parents? Do you know if she's okay?"

"That's what I'm trying to find out," Mrs Lopez said, glancing at the people around them. "We haven't heard anything,"

"I'll let you know if I hear anything else,"

"Thank you," Mrs Lopez said gratefully.

She patted Judy's arm before turning around and continuing her walk down the corridor. How many more children were injured? How many had lost their lives? These were questions she didn't really want the answers to but without answers how would they ever try to understand?

...

Blaine still couldn't hear anything. His right ear was completely useless, the blast from the gun still ringing in his head. He had no idea if it was safe outside, if the danger had passed by him, but he was too scared to go and check. He'd been shot in the shoulder as he tried to run, collapsing to the ground as the pain had ripped through him, a burning sensation. In an effort to hide himself away, in case the shooter's intentions had been to kill, he'd shuffled his way across the room towards the store cupboard. With one hand pressed against the hole in his shoulder, he used his other to attempt to stand. When this proved impossible he reached for the door handle instead, managing to turn it and crawl inside. He'd shut the door behind him before hiding amongst the coats that were lined up on the wall.

Something that terrified him more than the possibility of never being found or dying before he really had a chance to live was the thought about Kurt. He had no idea where he was; if he was out of the school, if he was hiding like him, if he was hurt... He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth against the pain in his shoulder, trying to think of Kurt's smiling face, his soft hands, and not the idea that he might never see him again.

When the door opened Blaine froze, his heart pounding so hard in his chest that he felt sure it was trying to break out and would succeed. He realised too late that he'd left a trail of blood in his wake, which had probably been what led whoever it was to him.

"Is there anyone in here?" A voice broke the silence and relief washed over Blaine who crawled out from his hiding place and collapsed at the feet of a police officer who began shouting behind him for an EMT.

"You're gonna be okay, kid," The officer assured him, crouching down next to him. "You're gonna be just fine,"

...

"_We're losing her, we need Antonio in here now," A voice shouted from somewhere far away. "Brittany, can you hear me?"_

_The meadow was too bright, like someone had altered the settings on the sun. Somewhere inside of her she knew that wasn't possible but she couldn't describe it any other way. She glanced down to see her bare feet pressed into the grass and looked back up again with her eyes closed, breathing in the scent surrounding her. This place reminded her of Santana._

"_Brittany," Another voice said loudly. "Her vitals are dropping,"_

_The edges of the meadow were fading but everything around her in close proximity was as real as before. She could hear birds somewhere above her and looked up, smiling widely, at the trees that bordered the meadow. She'd climbed one of those trees once. Santana had been beside herself, clambering up beside her and wrapping her arms around her body, navigating her way back down. "Don't ever do that again," She'd said, breathing hard like she'd been running. "You could fall,"_

"_But Santana," She'd countered. "You'd never let me fall,"_

...

Santana looked up anxiously as her mom appeared from behind the curtain. She was immediately in front of her, desperate for news. She felt like she'd been waiting forever.

"Well? Did you hear anything? Where's Brittany?" She asked, her hands shaking, her hair wild, her clothes bloody.

"Not really, honey, no," Mrs Lopez replied. "I found Brittany's parents though; they're in one of the rooms down by the waiting area..."

Before she could finish Santana shoved past her, running down the corridor and pushing through the double doors at the end of the corridor that led into the waiting area. People were everywhere, crowding her as she attempted to find a way out. She realised too late that her mom hadn't told her which room it actually was. There were lots of rooms and lots of doors leading to other doors. She began to make her way through the crowd, peering into every room she saw, trying desperately to pick up on Brittany's parent's faces.

Finally, at the very end of the waiting area, she saw Mr and Mrs Pierce, sitting on chairs at the back of the room. She fumbled with the door handle before stumbling into the room and closing the door behind her. Mr Pierce looked up, his eyes red, tears dripping down his cheeks. Mrs Pierce was folded over, her arms wrapped around her stomach as she rocked backwards and forwards.

"Santana..." Mr Pierce stood up, his voice small and filled with sorrow.

"No..." Santana said quietly. "No, don't say it,"

"Santana, I'm sorry," Mr Pierce sobbed, reaching out.

"Don't," Santana said, raising her hand to stop him from getting any closer. "Don't say it,"

Mrs Lopez rushed into the room, out of breath. She took in the scene before her; Santana with her eyes wild, her hand raised in front of her. Mr Pierce standing crying, his body shaking. Mrs Pierce, curled up in the corner, rocking. This couldn't be...

"Maribel... She..." Mr Pierce couldn't get his words out.

"Don't fucking say it!" Santana cried.

"Santana, sweetheart," Mrs Lopez immediately reached out towards her daughter but Santana stepped back.

"Don't lie to me!" She yelled, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Don't fucking lie! I know she's here! Where is she? Tell me where she is!"

"I don't know, Santana," Mr Pierce pleaded. "I don't know,"

"Tell me the truth!"

"Santana..." Mrs Lopez tried again but Santana merely pushed her out of the way and ran from the room. "I'm so sorry," She whispered to Mr Pierce, the pain clear in her eyes, before running after Santana.

"Brittany!" Santana screamed her name as she fought her way through the crowd.

Every eye was upon her. She could feel their stares like a laser, blasting their way through her skin to what was underneath. She knew she must look crazy, she knew she must look mad. But everything in her was screaming. Everything in her was forcing the truth into her mind but she wouldn't believe it, she wouldn't. She felt like she was back in time, forcing her way through hundreds of people, Brittany's name on her lips. She could hear her mom calling her but she wasn't stopping for anybody. She had to find Brittany.

She ran through another set of double doors, knocking someone over in her haste. She'd barely made it down another corridor before she felt hands on her arms, restraining them behind her back. She started to scream, kicking hard behind her like she'd done earlier but it was to no avail.

"Santana, Santana, it's all right," She knew it was Puck. She'd known it was Puck from the moment his hands had made contact with her skin. "Come on, you're okay,"

He lowered her to the floor as her body gave up, turning to jelly in his hands. Her knees hit the ground, sobs pouring from her mouth as she continued to shout Brittany's name, knowing it was useless, knowing that Brittany had gone someplace she couldn't hear her anymore.

**This chapter was really tough to write. I've kind of had it planned that things would turn out this way but that didn't make writing it any easier. Please review this chapter because I definitely need to know what you all think about it. The story pretty much revolves around the aftermath and it is going to be a sad read. Thank you so much for the reviews from the last chapter and to everyone who had favourited and followed. They really mean the world to me. Please review. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Once again I thank you for the response to my last chapter. I appreciate each review I received and understand them too. To answer Guest's question – I don't think Santana could ever move on from Brittany. I'm going to stick with what I planned (I had originally planned a six chapter story, including the prologue and the epilogue, so this story isn't going to be a long one. It would mean that the there are two chapters left after this one but I'm not entirely sure about that yet. Let me know what you think on that). I will explain in the last chapter why I decided to make the story so short. Don't give up on me just yet, Brittana is endgame. Always will be.**

**Chapter Three**

The grief filled Santana's lungs, making it so that she couldn't breathe properly and never would again. Every breath she took she didn't give her the air she needed to stay afloat, to keep her head above water. She indeed felt like she was drowning, the sadness, the pain, the ripping in her chest, making it hard to fight. She felt cold, like all the warmth had been taken from the world. Another shiver coursed through her and she tightened her arms around her chest.

She wasn't entirely sure where she was. She knew she was still in the hospital but this room wasn't familiar. There was a door and two windows. Her mom had closed the blinds, causing a darkness to wash over the room but Santana wanted this. She felt that darkness would suit her better. It would match the way she felt inside. The pain was unbearable. Another wave crashed over her, a cry escaping her throat, and she curled even tighter into herself, as if making herself smaller would squash it.

Santana couldn't think clearly. It was as if a fog was obscuring her mind, blocking out anything normal, anything rational. All she could think about was Brittany. As soon as Brittany's name entered her head she began to sob. She fisted her hands in her hair, shaking hard, completely unsure of how she could deal with this, of how she could make it all go away.

When the door opened she didn't move, didn't speak, didn't acknowledge whoever was now entering the room and closing the door behind them. The cries were still escaping from her, filling the silent room. She felt someone sit down next to her and collapsed against them, hoping that they could take it away from her. Her mom gathered her into her arms, holding her tight as she cried, wishing more than anything that there was something she could do.

...

Mrs Lopez left the room an hour later, having convinced Santana to try and get some sleep. She knew her daughter wouldn't sleep but it was all she could suggest; knowing that nothing she did or said would help in the slightest at the moment. She leant against the wall outside Santana's room and closed her eyes. Why had the world that she knew changed so suddenly? Only this morning everything was fine, everything was normal. Now children, children that she _knew, _had lost their lives. And Brittany... sweet, innocent Brittany.

She'd seen Brittany only yesterday. The girls were so attached that they could barely go a day apart and Mrs Lopez knew that Santana sometimes snuck out to sleep over at Brittany's before coming home incredibly early and making it look like she'd been there all along. Their attachment was strong and Mrs Lopez could only imagine how much this was killing her daughter.

"Maribel?"

Mrs Lopez opened her eyes and looked down the corridor. Judy was walking towards her, tears still glistening on her cheeks. Mrs Lopez smiled sadly before welcoming Judy's embrace.

...

Kurt watched Blaine sleep, the amount of medication he was on keeping him in that blissful state in unawareness. He hadn't left his side once he'd found out where he was but only Blaine's mom had been able to tell him what had happened. According to her Blaine had been shot in the shoulder. This he knew was true because there was a bandage wrapped around his injured shoulder, stretching across to his ribcage and back up again. It was supported by a sling. She'd also said that Blaine had been found hiding in a store cupboard by an officer. That he'd been lucky, that he'd be okay.

Kurt gently ran his thumb along Blaine's knuckles and sighed. There were no words to describe the chaos of the morning. He'd been in Geometry with Sam when they'd heard the gunshots. Their teacher had held his finger up to his lips whilst they waited. Another gunshot had sounded and their teacher had told them all to hide. The majority of the class had been able to fit into the two store cupboards like Blaine had. Others hid under tables, their teacher pushing chairs in so that they couldn't be seen as easily. Their teacher had been shot. None of the class had.

Burt had been frantically shouting his name when Kurt had run outside. His head turned left and right, looking for someone, a_nyone, _before realising that only his dad would make this better. Kurt knew he'd never forget the look on his dad's face when their eyes connected across the parking lot. The pain in his eyes, replaced by relief and tears, as he ran towards Kurt who met him halfway. The way Burt had grasped every part of him he could reach, sobbing into his shoulder.

Kurt hadn't heard news from anywhere else. He had no idea if everyone else was okay, who had died, who still hadn't been found. He knew he'd have nightmares for the rest of his life about this morning. But he knew he was one of the lucky ones.

...

Santana knew the nurses had admitted her. Whilst she lay there, pretending to be asleep, they'd walk in, whispering to each other and checking the chart at the end of her bed. She supposed it was for shock or something like that but she wasn't listening. All she really heard from their whispers was the names of the wounded, the names of the dead.

She learned that Mike and Tina had been killed. That the school nurse had been shot trying to protect Artie, except when the shooter had shot her, he'd turned the gun on Artie and killed him. She already knew about Rachel but learnt that Quinn had been shot. Blaine had been shot, Kurt was okay. Sam was okay, Mercedes was okay, Puck was okay. Or as okay as they could be. Will had been shot protecting his students but he was okay too. As were the class he'd taken a bullet for. Santana didn't know many of the others they spoke about. A few football players had been killed and some cheerleaders. These, she knew, would be the people she remembered. Because they were connected now. All of them.

Somehow though, none of them mattered. None of them mattered because the one person who did was gone. Her heart stuttered and she bit her lip, squeezing her eyes shut tight and clenching her body. Tears sprang to her eyes but she hadn't really stopped crying. She just felt numb, like she'd never be okay again. And if she was honest, she didn't think she ever would be.

She must have fallen asleep sometime after six. The day seemed to have gone on forever. It was Brittany's face she saw when she closed her eyes. She was smiling and so beautiful and her eyes had lit up like they always did when Santana was around. She was dancing through the school corridors, her feet making no noise as she wove her way in and out. Santana followed her, loving her expression when she was dancing, loving the way her body moved like it had a mind of its own. But then a shot rang out, Brittany's body falling to the ground as gracefully as it had when she was dancing. A silent scream left Santana as she ran, ran so fast, but when she reached Brittany she'd gone. Santana was left with blood on her hands and a memory.

She sat bolt upright in bed, tears streaming down her cheeks, sweat pouring from her body. She felt cold again, shivering hard even though she was sweating like she'd been in the sun for too long. She could still see Brittany's body falling and she closed her eyes, desperately trying to force it from her mind but she knew it was to no avail. It hadn't just been a dream. Brittany had died. She collapsed back against her pillows and turned to the side, curling herself into a ball and crying.

...

"We can confirm that fifteen people have died, three of them teachers and hundreds more have been injured in the shooting that occurred at William McKinley High School this morning. The names of the dead have yet to be released but we can confirm that one lone student has been arrested and taken to the police station for questioning. I'm afraid we can't release any more information at this moment in time as there is still an investigation pending but we will provide you with it as soon as we can."

...

At eight o' clock the next morning Mrs Lopez entered her daughter's room with the discharge forms in her hand. She'd been advised to go home and get changed, have a shower, before picking Santana up the following morning. W_e'll keep an eye on her, _they'd promised, smiling warmly at her like they knew what she was going through.

Santana was sat up in bed, facing away from the door. Her sheets were tangled at the foot of the bed, telling Mrs Lopez that she hadn't had a good night but this was no more than she'd expected. Mrs Lopez knelt down in front of Santana, placing her hands on Santana's thighs. Santana looked exhausted. Her eyes were bloodshot like she'd been crying for a long time and there were big bags underneath them.

"Santana, sweetheart," Mrs Lopez said softly, so as not to startle her. "We can go home now,"

"I'm not leaving her," Santana said, her voice croaky. "I promised I'd never leave her,"

Mrs Lopez's heart constricted a little at Santana's words. "You won't be leaving her," She said.

"I can't go home and leave her here," Santana repeated, fresh tears forming in her eyes that she hastily wiped away.

"Her parents are here," Mrs Lopez told her. "And they're not going anywhere. But we need to get you home,"

"No, we don't," Santana forced out, making eye contact with her mom to get her point across. "I c_an't _leave her,"

"There's nothing you can do," Mrs Lopez said, trying to be as nice as possible as she spoke. "The police need... Well, she has to stay here for a while,"

Santana frowned at her mom. Did she not understand?

"I promised her I would never leave her," She whispered. "What if she's scared?"

"Santana, baby, she's gone,"

"No, mom, what if she's scared? Because she's all alone here and she didn't like to be on her own, especially in the dark," Santana choked out. "What if they don't have a light where she is? She'll be scared, mom, she'll be scared,"

"Santana, listen to me," Mrs Lopez stood up and sat down next to her daughter, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into her body. "Brittany's not here anymore, she's gone. She doesn't have to be scared anymore,"

"But I promised," Santana sobbed.

"I know you did, I know,"

...

Quinn shifted uncomfortably in the hospital bed, wincing as her leg twisted slightly. The surgery had lasted hours, not that she'd been awake for it. In fact, she'd only really just woken up. And then it'd hit her. Someone had run in, shooting up the school. She'd been shot. Her dad had run off to find a doctor once they'd realised she was awake but her mom was still sat beside her, smiling so widely it was obvious she'd believed they'd lost her.

"I'm okay, mom," Quinn promised closing her eyes and leaning back.

"I know," Judy said, laughing slightly and wiping the tears away from under her eyes.

"What happened?" Quinn asked abruptly.

"Do you not remember?" Her mom's smile was replaced with a frown.

"I know that there was a shooting," Quinn recalled. "And that I was shot. But what's been happening? While I've been out I mean,"

"Quinn, honey, you need your rest," Judy said, drawing the sheets to Quinn's shoulders and tucking her in. "You need your energy if you're going to get better,"

"Mom, what is it?" Quinn asked again, pushing her mom away from her and watching as she collapsed back in her chair.

"We can talk later, Q,"

"No, no I want to know," Quinn said firmly before looking up at the door. "Santana?"

Santana froze in her tracks. She hadn't wanted to see anyone, certainly not Quinn. The three of them had been best friends and she didn't know if Quinn even knew. From what her mom had told her Quinn had been in surgery since she was found and brought to the hospital. Her mom laid a hesitant hand on her arm but Santana took a deep breath and stepped into the room.

"Hey, Q," She offered, looking anywhere but at Quinn.

"Are you okay?" Quinn asked in concern.

"I'm... I'm okay," Santana murmured. "How are you?"

"I'm going to be fine," Quinn replied carefully. "They fixed my leg; it's just the healing part that's going to take a while,"

"That's good, Quinn," Santana said genuinely. "That's good,"

"What's happened?" Quinn asked, knowing it wasn't right but needing to know. "My mom won't tell me,"

Santana closed her eyes, breathing hard. It wasn't supposed to be this way. She wasn't supposed to be the one telling people what was going on. She started tapping her thigh absentmindedly, her heart pounding so hard in her chest that she couldn't breathe. Her head was swimming; dots were forming in her lines of vision.

"Is Brittany okay?" Quinn asked then, her words somehow getting through to Santana.

At these words, however, Santana lost it. Tears began cascading down her cheeks, sobs being pulled from inside of her. She was making noises that she'd never heard before, long, drawn out cries that didn't seem to have a hope of stopping. She managed to open her eyes and look at Quinn who looked alarmed.

"I'm sorry," She forced out.

Before anyone could stop her she was running from the room, desperate to be as far away from here as possible.

...

"We can confirm a student has been charged for the shooting that took place yesterday morning. The student has been formally identified as Sean Baxter, a seventeen year old boy who attended the school. There is to be a court arraignment this morning.

Meanwhile, reporters have heard that three weapons were brought into the school, although only two of them were used. We'll have more information on this case as it unfolds."

...

The house didn't feel like her own anymore. Santana stepped inside, feeling unable to raise her head or even walk more than a few steps. She felt exhausted, emotionally and physically, but above all she felt devastated. She hadn't stopped crying since she saw Quinn. Even the thought made tears form in her eyes again but what was the point in stopping them? Nothing would ever be the same again.

Her mom appeared behind her, placing a comforting hand on the small of her back but Santana pulled away. She didn't want to be touched. She didn't want to be spoken to. She just wanted to be left alone.

"Why don't you go upstairs?" Her mom suggested. "I'll make you a nice drink and bring it up to you,"

Santana nodded half-heartedly and began making her way upstairs. Her room was exactly the same way that she'd left it yesterday. Her bed was still unmade, her curtains still drawn. She sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled her shoes off, tossing them across the room towards her wardrobe. That was when she noticed that her clothes were different. The mirror on her wardrobe reflected herself back at her. She hadn't been wearing these clothes yesterday but she couldn't remember changing them. And she had no idea where they were now. She presumed they'd been given to the police or something. They'd had blood on them after all. She lay back against her pillows, not knowing what to do but knowing that she didn't want to do anything anyway.

Her mom entered the room ten minutes later. She was holding a bottle of what looked like pills in one hand and a mug in the other. Santana sat up, leaning back against the headboard and accepting the drink from her mom who sat down opposite her.

"These pills are from the doctor," Her mom said. "He said they'd help you sleep,"

Santana didn't say anything. She wasn't sure she wanted to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes Brittany was what was looking back at her. Even her dreams were filled with her. But then, they always had been.

"Why don't you try and get some rest?" Her mom tried again.

Santana shook her head and placed the mug on her bedside table. She just wanted her mom to go away so that she could be on her own. She wanted to cry and shout and scream and do s_omething _that would let all of this out.

"Listen, I'm here for you and..." Her mom didn't get to finish.

"I don't want you," Santana said coldly, a single tear running down her cheek. "I want _her,_"

She stood up and paced up and down in front of the wardrobe, running a hand through her hair. She felt restless, her body shaking so hard like it craved a release.

"I understand you're upset, Santana..." Her mom began.

"Of course I'm fucking upset!" Santana shouted, finally losing it and spinning around to face her mom who looked like she was about to burst into tears. "My girlfriend's dead! She's dead, mom! And it's my fault! I should have saved her! I should have been there! I told her to wait for me and now she's fucking dead!"

Santana grabbed the light from her bedside table, pulling it so hard that it came away from the wall. She threw it hard against the mirror, smashing it to pieces, before taking her alarm clock and throwing it across the room, watching as it hit the wall and fell to the floor in pieces. A rage was filling her like it had never done before, making her want to break things, making her want to scream with fury as she did so.

"Santana, please calm down..." Her mom begged, standing up and reaching her arms out towards her.

"It should have been me!" Santana screamed.

The silence that filled the air hung like smoke. Santana stood, breathing heavily, tears still making their way to her chin, splashing to the ground. Her mom looked close to tears, her hands hovering uselessly in front of her.

"It should have been me," Santana whispered.

She fell to her knees, burying her face in her hands. She felt her mom kneel down next to her, grab her wrists, pull them away from her.

"What do you mean?" She asked quietly.

"Brittany... She... She was so nice..." Santana sobbed. "She was so innocent and... and pure. She didn't deserve this, mom. I'm mean and cold and so... so fucking heartless. And Brittany's... It should have been me..."

"Baby, don't talk like that," Her mom whispered, wrapping her arms around Santana's body. "You're not those things, you're beautiful,"

Another sob escaped Santana at her mom's words. Because they were words that Brittany had used too.

...

She could feel her head getting heavier. The pillow felt softer as she fell onto it, her eyelids drooping. The medication seemed to be working and now Santana was thankful for it. If the only way she could see Brittany was by dreaming then she'd happily sleep forever. She was almost there when her bedroom door opened. She knew it wouldn't be her mom because she'd just left, promising to give her some time on her own.

The bed dipped a little and she felt a small arm wrap around her from behind. She sniffed and turned around, seeing her little sister lying next to her. Her head fell back onto the pillow and Gabriela lifted a hand, wiping away the tears under Santana's eyes. Then, with the same hand, she took Santana's, holding them gently, offering her protection.

"You kept the monsters away from me," She whispered, leaning forwards slightly so that their foreheads were joined. "Now it's my turn to keep them away from you,"

...

Santana slept, blissfully unaware of what was happening. She slept through Sean Baxter's arraignment. She slept through the news coverage. She even slept through Puck coming to visit, brushing away the hair on her face as she did. She dreamt of Brittany. She saw Brittany's face, Brittany's smile. She heard her laughter, she heard her voice. And suddenly, it all became clear. She knew what she had to do.

A world without Brittany was a world not worth living in.

**There it is! Let me know what you think, please! I've never written anything that is so hard but I'd love to know how you all think it's going! Again, thank you for the incredible response to the last chapter. They really are so appreciated. **


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